i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
