I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
