So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
