Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
