All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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