How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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