so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
