I feel like I'm in dance class right now
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
