Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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