She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's always time for handjobs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
