here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
