my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
