Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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