My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
