i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize