Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
