i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
