you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
