All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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