I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
