so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
