i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize