I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
