Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
