What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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