i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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