Im at strip club and am horny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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