And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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