So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
