If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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