I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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