Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
