We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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