Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
