there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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