Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
