It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize