He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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