Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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