i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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