By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
