Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
