I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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