Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
