"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
