Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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