i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
