Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
