I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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