ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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