I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They took my balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
