I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
