I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
