Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
