Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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