i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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