I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
