I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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