PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
