I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
