And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
