I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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