By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
