this beer tastes like vomit already
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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