you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
