My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
