I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
