i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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