i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
