What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
