she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He passed out mid-signature
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
