No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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