another moral hangover. fuck.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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