Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
