you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
