Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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